


phase change equilibrium

by waspfactor



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Character Study, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Miscarriage, Panic Attacks, Pre-Canon, Vomiting, mentions of child death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27824251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waspfactor/pseuds/waspfactor
Summary: the maehara's and their dynamic
Relationships: Isogai Yuuma & Maehara Hiroto
Comments: 11
Kudos: 28





	phase change equilibrium

**Author's Note:**

> helloooooo, wasp back with ignoring canon maehara's backstory/background and inventing a whole new one!!! tagging this is weird because it's mostly a maehara angst thing first and foremost and isogai comes later but also the maehara & isogai stuff is very sweet so ive tagged it (there's also hazama & maehara don't worry i havent given up on my fav crack friendship)
> 
> other fics ive written (regarding maehara) that might be of interest as they kinda get mentions here and there throughout the fic: [catullus sixteen (this one mostly focuses on hazama & maehara plus early kunugigoaka)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27726463) and [somersault (okano & maehara and their (platonic) relationship ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27544591)
> 
> this has a lot of potential triggers (hence why its rated teen). ive tried to tag it as best as i can in the tags but obviously keep safe. i have written maehara's mother (both in the past and in this fic) as an abuser (in other fics i have written her more physically abusive than she is here). a key plot point of this fic is a past abuser reaching out to those who've they hurt. i always knew maehara's story (at least the one ive envisoned for him) would be a tricky one to tell, regarding the issue of abuse. i think it should be noted, that while maehara's choice at the end of this fic is *his* choice and he arrived at his conclusion by himself, he is in no way forgiving his mother. repeat- this is not an abuse apology fic, thank u and stay safe!!

Hiroto’s too young to fully understand what his mother really did to him. His father and the social security worker sit him down and give him a very general overview, simplifying most of the nastier details.

Most of the big words they use muddle together in Hiroto’s mind. He tries his best to comprehend. “So…Mama won’t be living with us anymore?” He asks, slowly.

His father nods. “That’s right, Hiro.”

He tilts his head to the side. “Why?”

“Because Mama wasn’t very nice to you. Or me,” His eyes flutter shut. “Things will get better now though. I promise.” His voice breaks slightly, and he leans down and hugs his son. Hiroto doesn’t know why his father cries into the hug and he doesn’t understand the sad look the social worker gives them, but he knows he loves his father, so he hugs him back.

Hiroto sleeps in his father’s room for a few weeks following that before his father drops a bombshell; they were to move house, move schooling districts, move _away._ Hiroto doesn’t raise an objection until he helps his father packs. He’s 7 so his designated job is looking after the screws and tools while his father dismantles furniture.

“But if we move, Mama won’t know where to look for us when she comes back.”

His father stops what he’s doing, body tense. “Hiro… Mama isn’t coming back,” He strokes his son’s cheek softly. “We’re moving so that she never has a chance to find us again.”

Hiroto pouts softly. “She said she didn’t mean it. She only did it once.” His mind flashes to his mother, eyes wide and brimming with tears as she whispered over and over again, slender fingers running through his hair.

“She might’ve regretted doing it, but she should never have done it in the first place. Good parents never hit their children,” His father takes his hand. It’s rough with callouses and it dwarves Hiroto’s own hand in size. “I’ll never hit you, okay?”

Hiroto nods. “Okay.” Is all he says. His father smiles at him and gives him a kiss on the forehead.

Moving to a new house and moving schools is a lot easier than Hiroto had anticipated. His new school scores higher than his old one and he quickly makes friends with the pretty girl who sits next to him, Hazama. Hazama’s not like other girls (or like the boys in their class). She reads books that Hiroto’s father probably has in his study, actively looks for bugs at lunch break and listens to classical music at full blast.

Hazama’s home situation seems rocky at best, if Hazama’s reaction to the word ‘mother’ being mentioned is anything to go by, so she spends most of her time at the Maehara’s. His father is a little perplexed by his choice in friend but Hazama, in her own unique way, is a ray of sunshine.

It’s Hazama who suggests they both attend Kunugigoaka and maybe it’s due to their own hard work (or Hazama’s good luck spell the night before) but miraculously, they both get in.

Summer comes and goes and then junior high rolls around and Hazama disappears into the swarm of faces, almost like a ghost. It’s not all bad; in the Kunugigoaka sea, he finds Isogai. Again.

Isogai recognises him first, approaching him in the library during first year. Isogai hasn’t changed a bit; the perfect gentleman and student, all while balancing his personal life. Hiroto offers a chance to catch up, a study date, since Isogai’s in A Class and he imagines they study way harder than his classmates down in D.

Isogai turns him down for now but agrees to rearrange for a later date. From what Hiroto remembers of Isogai, he knows he won’t go back on his word.

True enough, Isogai keeps to his word and when he finally has a Sunday off, he agrees to a study date at the Maehara residence. His father practically buzzes with excitement when he recognises Isogai. “Oh, how you’ve grown!”

Their study session is uneventful, filled with ‘hey do you remember when…’ and Isogai teaching Hiroto how to properly read a map (which, _oh,_ that makes a lot more sense now). Near the evening, Isogai excuses himself, saying he has to cook dinner for his family.

Before they leave, his father asks to speak to Isogai. Alone. They speak outside while Hiroto stands in the front room, kicking idly at a ball of fluff on the floor. He respects both Isogai and his father too much to properly listen in, so he refrains from doing so but he’s not an idiot; he has a rough idea of what they’re talking about. If he had to make a wager on the nature of their conversation, he probably bet along the lines of ‘can you look out for my son’.

Isogai’s a good friend and Hiroto’s very grateful for knowing him; truly he is. They work well together, like a lock and key, despite the different world’s they operate in (A Class, it turns out, is a completely different frying pan compared to the rest of Kunugigoaka- which is saying something). Most days, Isogai works at a café to help support his family. Hiroto’s not a stranger to finical struggle; his father had explained when he was younger as to why he had to go away on business trips so often.

He tries to not let the loneliness get to him but there is a sense of isolation of waking up and going to sleep in an empty house. He’s still chewing himself up for his loneliness when he’s approached by Aoi, on the way to school.

Aoi is a bubbly girl from A Class, with freckles and a strong nose. She’s on the girl’s hockey team but Hiroto would happily wager she could beat the boy’s team by herself. She asks if he knows Isogai and Hiroto sees this as a confession to liking Isogai but Aoi laughs and says she’s heard good things about him. They exchange contact information, with Aoi admitting she thinks he’s cute before scuttering off to class. Hiroto’s left stunned but flattered; it’s a nice confidence boost.

They date on and off for the best part of 3 months before they properly cut it off, with Aoi claims she needs to focus more on her studies if she’s ever to become a doctor.

After Aoi is Haruka, a small frame of a girl from B. She’s got tight, curly hair and a wicked grin to accompany her sense of humour. Her arms are usually covered in bruises from skating and she sends Hiroto memes she finds funny. Haruka is nice; they get along great but most of their dates consist of hanging out at the skate park. At one point, Haruka fails to land a trick and ends up shattering her wrist. Hiroto freaks out and insists they go to the hospital and Haruka just laughs, somewhat manically.

It’s not surprising when, the next Hiroto sees her, she tells him her family doesn’t want her hanging out with someone like him. Hiroto doesn’t really mind; he doesn’t know if he could keep up with her personality.

The list of girls blurs from there onwards: Mina, Fumiko, Hitomi, Izumi, Kaho, Okano, Nakamura, Kaho again. Most of their dates amalgamate into one and before Hiroto realises it, he’s cheated 5 times (3 of those, yeah sure, he guesses he did cheat but since when was being nice to a girl considered cheating?).

Isogai never chides him on it but does tell him to be aware of how that reflects his character. Hiroto knows his heart’s in the right place so he doesn’t argue against it. By this point, he’s more than aware of his reputation as a ‘womanising bastard’, as Okano had not-so-nicely said.

It’s halfway through second year when he messes up for the last time. He’s excused from class and brought to the principal’s office, the throne room, the centipede’s lair. The principal looks conflicted on his decision; Hiroto thinks it’s an easy choice.

“You are being transferred to E Class. However, your character does not reflect positively on the rest of the student body or on the wider community. Anymore more,” He clears his throat. “ _Carrying_ _on_ and I will not hesitate expel you,” He waves a hand towards the door. “You are dismissed.”

E Class is on a step hill, hidden away from main campus. When he gets there, he’s surprised at the familiar faces; he’d always assumed E Class was full of nobodies, freaks the principal didn’t want anyone seeing. A voice rings in his head- _you’re one of the nobodies now._

Hazama is here, hair just as straggly as it was all those years ago. She’s shuffling a deck of tarot cards when Hiroto notices her and she flips over the top card. The Tower.

Hiroto’s retained some of his occult knowledge. “That’s bad, isn’t it?”

Hazama shrugs. “Depends on your angle. If you’re the man falling to his death, then yeah, I guess,” She slips the card back into the deck. “But if you never liked the tower in the first place, then it’s a good thing.” She gives him a knowing look before embarrassing him to rest of his new classmates by explaining the woodlouse story.

Akabane thinks it’s hilarious as does Nakamura. “You’re scared of _bugs?_ ”

“No!” And then he thinks on it. “Yeah, kinda? They’re gross,” He pauses for a moment, remembering the article he read once about how entomologists were sold a rare butterfly for almost a million yen. “Actually, the only time I consider looking for bugs if it was to sell them for a ton of cash!”

Kurahashi, who he had briefly seen at during the application process, raises an objection. “How could you? Bugs are so fascinating! I bet if they could play football or talk about gross boy stuff, you’d care a lot more about them.”

“And if my grandmother had wheels, she would’ve been a bike!” He exclaims, causing most of the class to roar in laughter.

Kurahashi sticks her tongue out and links arms with Hazama. “At least someone in this class can appreciate insects,” She turns up her nose. “Let’s go look for beetles together!”

His teacher is just as wild as his classmates. An alien, yellow, fast, stupidly tall and always wearing a shit eating grin. Then a man, built like an action figurine hands them plastic knives and _guns_ and informs them they’re to kill the octopus, _Korosensei,_ before March.

Hiroto doesn’t need to be told twice.

The problem with having an alien for a teacher, ignoring the fact he was brutally assaulted by an army instructor and the raging classism within his school, was that he tended to go above and beyond societal norms. One day, he asks Hiroto to stay behind after class.

“Is this about the homework?” He asks, preparing for a lecture. He’d copied it off Nagisa; he’s always struggled with English.

“Not quite, my dear boy. Now, I don’t want to pry but I found this in your room,” A tentacle holds up _his journal._ Hiroto’s chest tightens and he glares angrily at it. “By the look on your face and how well it was hidden, I assume this is important to you.”

Hiroto swallows hard and he feels rage stir deep within him. “You better not have read that-“

Korosensei waves a tentacle around, the book swaying around with it. “No, of course not! What kind of teacher do you think I am?” He hands the book to Hiroto who quickly snatches it, holding it protectively against his chest. “As your teacher, I like to keep tabs on personal life on all of my students. I was doing an inspection of your home- lovely place by the way- and found that book under your bed.”

“After reading from your file and speaking to your classmates,” Hiroto reads between the lines: Isogai. “Everyone seems to know of or about your father and what a wonderful man he appears to be! I look forward to meeting him at some point. However, if you don’t mind me asking, what was your mother like?”

“My mother-“ He wants to begin, a tirade at the tip of his tongue but he stops. Korosensei might be the best teacher he’s ever had but that doesn’t allow him any insight onto Hiroto’s life, least of all _her._ “Actually, no. She didn’t-, I’m-,” No. That doesn’t come out right either. He sighs and clutches his diary even tighter. “I’m sorry, sensei, but I don’t want to discuss this further.” He expects resistance from Korosensei, but it never comes.

Instead he gets an affectionate pet on the head from one of the tentacles. “That’s okay, Maehara. If you ever want to talk about it, I’ll be here.”

He walks home alone and replays that conversation in his head until he can recite it, word for word. That night, he adds a new entry; a crudely drawn sketch of an octopus with the words ‘nosey bastard’ written above it. He then decides to sketch out Isogai and scribbles ‘don’t deserve’ need to it. He goes to hide the journal again but since Korosensei found it so easily, he decides to hide it in _the room._

The room’s been locked since he was a child. He’s never been it and he’s never seen his father enter it. He asked about it once and his father told him he could enter someday but that today wasn’t that day. He long found the keys, tucked away in his father’s study but vowed to respect his father’s wishes. He reckons this, hiding his most inner personal thoughts from his alien teacher who has a penchant to intrude, as a good a reason as any to check out the one part of his room he’s never seen.

He unlocks the door and the smell of fresh linen hits him first. The second thing that hits him- this is a nursery. Or it _was_ a nursery; this room seems to be more like a storage unit for a nursery. Old toy chests, a crib still in its box, baby shower gifts never opened. Hiroto feels like he’s entered an old-fashioned childhood museum.

The weirdest part is that none of this is _his_ baby things. All of his were in the attic. So why was this here?

Something catches his eye, a letter. By the brightness of the envelope, it must be new, at the very oldest- a year or so again. It’s addressed to him, with his father’s blocky capitals spelling out his name. Hiroto. He swallows; his father never calls him that.

He opens the letter. It’s a short paragraph, with his father telling him it was about time he found the keys to the locked room and opened it. _I’m not mad,_ the letter states, _you’ve been deserving of an explanation for a while now. It would not do you, your mother or me justice to explain this in a letter. I presume if you’re reading this, I’m away currently. Please, phone me as soon as you finish reading this letter. No matter what I’m working on, I’ll drop it to explain this to you._

Hiroto folds the letter away and calls his father. After some pleasantries, he breaks the news to him.

“I opened the room. Your letter said to phone.”

There’s a sharp inhale from the other end. “Okay,” His father says. “You might want to sit down for this.”

“Okay.” Hiroto replies automatically, leaning against the windowsill.

His father sees through him. “Hiroto, I’m being serious,” Again with the first name. “Please. Please sit down. I would advise you to get some water as well.”

Hiroto complies, retrieving his water bottle from his room and decides to sit on the rocking chair that was kept hidden in the locked room. When he sits down, it creaks from disuse. “Dad, you’re scaring me.”

“I don’t mean to scare you. It’s okay,” His father soothes before a shuffling sound on the other side; Hiroto presumes he’s sitting down as well. “This is…Yeah. I should’ve done this a while ago, you’ve always been such a mature boy,” A sigh. “I think I should do this when I come home. I don’t know if-“

“ _Dad,”_ Hiroto interrupts. “I-, it’s okay. I don’t want to cut your trip short because of _this_ ,” He waves his hands around to the room he’s in. “We’re bigger than this, right? It’s okay, we’ll be okay.” He reassures.

And so, his father begins. “We never wanted more than one child. That was always going to be enough for us. But when your mother and I went for the ultrasound, they told us we were having twins.”

“I couldn’t believe it. I never told your mother this, but I was scared of the idea of having twins; I’d always envisioned just looking after one child. But I knew, at the end of the day, it was your mother’s decision alone to make. She was… happy, excited. We started buying baby supplies in pairs, set up another nursery.”

Hiroto grips the arm of the rocking chair, knowing what’s coming next. “I don’t know exactly what happened, but something happened to your…sibling in the womb,” His father sniffs sharply. Hiroto vaguely wonders if he’s crying. “It was sad, but I was happy we still had you. We had two names picked out and I got to choose yours.”

His father tells him that his mother had taken the news a lot worse. She had nightmares about it, would feed Hiroto before setting out another portion for ‘the other baby’, at point refused to feed Hiroto as a child until she had first the other baby first. She had even hit him once. 

“I remember that,” Hiroto says, voice even. “She never did it again.” Which is a _weak_ defence, he knows, but it’s true. He can still remember his mother’s remorseful eyes. Had she truly meant her apology?

“Your mother loved you dearly, that was always true. But I think she must’ve loved her unborn child, your sibling, even more,” If Hiroto hadn’t been distanced from his mother for nearly 10 years or so, that would’ve hurt a lot more. “It’s such a horrible thought but I think you were a painful reminder for her; you were half of one whole, and she would never get that other half.”

Hiroto takes a deep breath. “But… I don’t get it,” He admits, sliding his feet around on the carpet. “I understand that but… why did we go to court over this? Why did we move? Mama suffered a great loss, and she acted a little bit irrationally because of it.”

His father clears his throat. “Your mother started getting more aggressive… with me. She didn’t sleep in the same room as me, threatened to hurt herself if I looked at her too long, we’d have screaming matches every other night. It was very painful to watch, to see the woman you love deteriorate in front of you.”

“I wanted to get her help. Your mother was a brilliant woman, deep down. I could put up with these difficult times if it meant you would still have a mother and I, a wife,” A pause, a gasp for breath. “The final straw was when she almost _killed_ you. She held a…to your neck. You were sound asleep but we were being so loud. I was so scared and so was she. I really thought she was going to...” He trails off, voice strained. Hiroto can clearly tell he’s crying now. “Yeah. I couldn’t justify that. I knew something had to change. I think she did too. She packed up her stuff and we both agreed to terminate our marriage.”

His father continues, explaining the divorce procedure and how he helped her move back home so that her parents could look after her, how he decided to move out of fear she would come back and do something to harm their son, how sometimes he regrets ever moving. “I’ve written her letters every 6 months, albeit getting it sent to a PO box. I promised her I would.”

Hiroto fiddles with the lid of his water bottle. “She hurt you, though. I remember you being paranoid when we moved. You used to have insomnia.”

A sigh. “…A part of me still loves her. It’s not her fault what happened to her, to _us,”_ Hiroto and his father sit in silence for a while, thinking about what they've both gone through. “I’m sorry for not telling you earlier. This…hasn’t been the easiest story to tell.”

Hiroto dismisses the apology; nothing he says can truly reply to that. “…What about all this junk?” He asks instead. 

“Ah. I, uh, never had the heart to throw it out,” His father answers in a quiet voice. “It felt…disrespectful to Makoto.”

Hiroto doesn’t know a Makoto. “Mama?”

“No. Your twin.”

The calls ends, with his father telling him he’s coming home soon anyways, that the rest of his work can be done from home. Hiroto tries to put on a brave face and tells his father he’s _fine_ and that he doesn’t have to cut the trip short because of _this_ but his father’s like a stick in the mud and has already booked a flight home.

Hiroto sits in the old rocking chair from quite some time, not knowing what to do with himself. He guesses his father must’ve sent Isogai a text message to check up on him because soon enough, Isogai’s invited him around for dinner. Hiroto, not really wanting sit in alone this house for much longer, accepts but brings dessert round.

Isogai answers the door, with his younger sister pulling at his trouser leg. “Hiro!” She beams at him, eyes sparkling. “You brought dessert!”

He bends down to her level and ruffles her hair. “It’s only if you finish your dinner though, okay?” He points at Isogai. “And if you listen to Yuuma.” That clearly seems like a fair deal to her as she goes running back into the house.

He helps Isogai with dinner and helps put his siblings to bed, allowing Isogai to study. “You didn’t have to,” He smiles tiredly at Hiroto. “I don’t call on you just to help me out around the house.”

Hiroto sits down next to him on the living room floor. “I know. It’s just something I like to do,” He pauses. “…You don’t have to keep an eye on me, you know. I’m okay and you have a lot on your plate.”

“I know. It’s just something I like to do.” Isogai replies, still with that kind look in his eyes. Hiroto only snorts softly and helps Isogai with some of the maths problems he’s having trouble with.

Everything continues as normal. His father comes back and Hiroto decides to meet him at the airport. They take a taxi back, with his father asking him how school was going.

Hiroto’s not one to lie, not to his father but the Non-Disclosure Agreement thwarts his own personal morals. He tells a half-truth. “My grades have been improving.”

“You’ve always been smart,” His father boasts. “Smarter than me, anyways.”

Hiroto laughs. “It’s all because of my new teacher. He’s…out of this world.”

His father doesn’t believe it; chalks it up to Hiroto’s own hard work and merit. Hiroto doesn’t say anything to that but internally chuckles at the irony of it all.

They get home and Hiroto lets his father lock the door, sealing off the nursery that’s never been used. He offers the letters his mother has written over the past decade to read. Hiroto looks down at the letters and then at his father.

“No thanks.”

His father is a little confused (and dare he say, disappointed?) but he doesn’t press further. The conversation ends with his father reminding him he can read them at any time and points to a drawer in his study. Hiroto deduces that’s where he keeps them all.

Everything seems to carry on as usual, well, as usual as one’s life can be when your teacher’s an alien and you’re receiving assassin training. And then he gets the phone call, one Friday morning where his father has already left for a business trip to Kyoto and his blood crystalises the ice in his veins.

After the calls ends, his father calls. He must’ve gotten a similar call. Maehara’s father asks what’s wrong and it’s then Hiroto realises he hasn’t been breathing properly for the past 10 or so minutes. He reaches for the couch to steady himself, but he misses and crashes to the floor. He tries to answer his father, but no words come out. He’s left in the deafening silence of his home; with only his ragged breaths to listen to. His eyes close automatically, like store shutters.

When he opens his eyes again, Isogai is there. Worried. Hiroto feels sick. Then, he is sick, with Isogai holding back his hair. Isogai has enough on his plate, has so many responsibilities and Hiroto had promised himself that he would _never_ become one of them. He tries to apologise to Isogai, for _this,_ but bile comes rocketing out of his throat.

He cries, overwhelmed by everything. He wishes his father were here, he wishes his mother hadn’t screwed him over, he wishes he could be a better friend to Isogai and a very small part of him wishes he weren’t here anymore. Isogai makes him a cup of tea and sits with him on the bathroom floor. It still reeks of vomit. There’s bags under his eyes.

“M’sorry.” Hiroto mumbles, rubbing his stinging eyes. He already knows they'll be stained red tomorrow.

“Don’t apologise,” Isogai comforts. “You’ve been through a lot.”

Hiroto points out that others have it worse (Akabane, Shiota, Hazama, Kanzaki, _Isogai himself_ ) and Isogai gives him a stern look. “Someone who drowns in 3cm of water is just as a dead as someone who drowns in 300cm of water.”

Hiroto cries again.

Isogai spends the night by his side which doesn’t help the flower of selfishness that blooms deep within his stomach. However, he has a feeling that if he pushed Isogai away, his father would cut his trip short and come back to make sure he was okay which would only make him feel more guilty. He decides to repay Isogai by making he and his family dinner for the next fortnight.

Isogai suggests he should take the day of school, which is a very attractive thought, but he’s scared the phone goes again and that he'll answer it again so he goes to school anyways. He tries to wave off Isogai’s worries and while Isogai backs off a little, he still has that sense of protectiveness about him.

The school day is as usual; assassination attempts, Akabane and Nakamura abusing the class group chat, Hazama and Kurahashi collecting bugs together at lunchtime. If anyone notices the tired look in his eyes or Isogai sitting extra close to him, keeping a watchful eye, they don’t mention it.

Well. Korosensei isn’t just anyone. He asks Hiroto to stay behind after class.

“Let’s speak in the faculty room,” He offers and Hiroto panics briefly. “Would you like anything to eat? I can get anything, from pancakes to boba to fudge to onion rings.”

The offer is tempting but Hiroto’s not really in the mood to eat. “I’m okay. Thanks.”

“You seem rather down today. You’re a very cheery influence on the class and I don’t like seeing my students sad!” Korosensei pulls out a box of tissues from under his desk. “Would you like to speak about anything? I’m a very good listener.”

Hiroto thinks on it. “My mother called.”

“Oh?”

“She wants to see me.”

It’s times like these Hiroto wishes Korosensei could emote; staring back at the permanent grin doesn’t exactly quell his worries. “Do you want to see her?”

“I…don’t know,” Hiroto admits because he _doesn’t_ know _._ “She hurt my dad really bad,” He pauses. “I think she hurt me too. I don’t know if I want her in my life again. In _our_ lives again," He thinks about his father and thinks about how tired he used to look, back when they were just about to move houses. "...No. I don't think I want to see her again."

“It’s your choice, at the end of the day. If you don’t want to see her, no one will force you to,” Korosensei advises. “Don’t confuse your age with a lack of autonomy. You’re your own person, Maehara. No one can take that from you.”

Hiroto's inclined for self-destruction; hates to and also loves to play devil's advocate with himself. “But she’s my mother. I’m her son,” Hiroto tilts his head to the side. “She has some right to see me…right?” He asks, unsure.

“A right, only if you want it to be,” Korosensei, using one of his many tentacles to fix himself a cup of tea. “You’re clearly conflicted by this and I don’t blame you. This is a very…difficult situation. I'm sure your father and everyone will support your decision, no matter what course of action you choose to take.”

“I just have no idea what to do." Hiroto whispers, crossing his arms. It’s not like to him to be backed into a corner like this. 

Korosensei takes a sip of his tea. “Think of it this way, Maehara. Let’s say you’re given an equation, consisting of different trigonometric functions, and are asked to integrate it. What’s your first move?”

“Integration by parts, probably.”

Hiroto knows it’s right; you can _always_ integrate via integration by parts but Korosensei doesn’t seem pleased with his answer. “That’s an awfully large hammer for such a tiny nail. Surely, you’d try simple integration first or maybe integration via substitution?”

“I mean, I _guess_ but integration by parts always works.”

“But it’s a big red button, it’s a last choice. Sometimes, in life, bringing out the big guns is not always the correct option.”

Hiroto thinks on that. “So, what you’re saying is…”

“Test the waters first. There’s no need to bring out the sniper rifle when a pistol is just as effective.”

Hiroto reads between the lines. He stops playing with a loose thread on his cardigan. “Thank you, sensei.”

Korosensei waves him off, after a pat on the back and a ‘Maehara Care Package’. When he exits the building, Hazama is waiting around for him, which is unusual but not unwelcomed. She’s listening to music, with one headphone out.

“Isogai was waiting for you but he has work, so I offered to wait instead.” She supplies, opening up her umbrella.

“You didn’t have to-“

“ _Woodlouse_ ,” She starts and that shuts up Hiroto. “You’re just as stubborn as I remember.”

Hiroto frowns. “I’m not stubborn.”

Hazama laughs. “Sure, sure.” She offers him the offer headphone bud and he takes it. They walk home in pseudo-silence. Hazama walks Hiroto right to his front door and gives him a quick hug.

“I don’t know the specifics,” She explains. “But my tea leaf reading this morning suggested something would be up with a close friend.”

He gives her a quick pack on the back. “Thanks, Hazama.”

“I’m not expecting you to feel better immediately or return to your normal sense,” She pulls away from the hug. “But both of our misery is clouding up the classroom. Kurahashi is working overtime to dispel the dark clouds.”

Hiroto laughs softly at that. “I’ll be alright.” And he hears himself say it with such conviction, that a part of him believes it must be true.

She raises an eyebrow to that, an unspoken objection but ultimately says nothing. Hiroto knows Hazama, knows he’s not out from under the microscope just yet. When he gets in and empties out the care package given to him by Korosensei, an idea pops into his head.

He enters his father’s study and slides open a drawer. There’s a very neat pile of letters, tied with a red string. He picks up the letters, weighing it in his hand as he flicks through the dates on them. They go back as far as 8 years. 

He sits down and reads through all of them. It takes him a good hour or so, including the breaks he takes to ground himself. After reading the final letter, dated only 3 months ago, he stands up to get a piece of paper.

He writes at the top of the page, _Dear Mother._

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for sticking to end, i know this might not have been the easiest read at times so i really appreciate it. 
> 
> on a lighter note, maehara's dad is in the Good Dads Cinematic Universe- he loves his son and brags about him abroad to his business partners. i didn't get to explore a lot of the headcanons i have surrounding maehara senior but here's a few of the top of my head: he has his own business which goes through it's booms and rough patches (hence why maehara is so focused on getting a job that makes loads of money, so that his dad wouldn't have to worry), he's japanese but studied a year abroad in italy and he loved it so much he lived there briefly- he later married maehara's mother who's also japanese and studied for a year in italy. he's taught some italian/general european things to maheara (hence why maehara says that line about his grandmother being a bicycle) and i hc that maehara speaks some basic italian. maehara's dad really appreciates isogai being maehara's friend as he's worried hiroto doesn't tell him everything so he likes to get a second opinion from isogai
> 
> (he's a good dad can u tell i love him. ugh my ultimate foil to gakuhou- a man who isn't /as/ present in his son's life but makes up for it by regularly calling/checking up on him/having a healthy relationship despite past trauma compared to gakuhou who is very much in his son's life but is cold and distant and abusive due to past trauma)
> 
> next up is probably isosano.... OR something else >:) but i also have exams soon so also maybe not ahahah. i hope u enjoyed!
> 
> socials- [tumblr](https://wasp-factor.tumblr.com/) and [twitter ](https://twitter.com/waspfactor)


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